I am excited when I have times of clarity about my life. I have been in all kinds of different places in my life. Some of these I’m very embarrassed about but they have helped me become who I am, so…. you gotta love those moments! I used to read those scriptures about idols and think….I don’t have those…who has those?
If you ever say anything like this…..you are probably that person….I know…stinks..huh!
Isaiah 44:9-20 ESV
All who fashion idols are nothing, and the things they delight in do not profit. Their witnesses neither see nor know, that they may be put to shame. Who fashions a god or casts an idol that is profitable for nothing? Behold, all his companions shall be put to shame, and the craftsmen are only human. Let them all assemble, let them stand forth. They shall be terrified; they shall be put to shame together. The ironsmith takes a cutting tool and works it over the coals. He fashions it with hammers and works it with his strong arm. He becomes hungry, and his strength fails; he drinks no water and is faint. The carpenter stretches a line; he marks it out with a pencil. He shapes it with planes and marks it with a compass. He shapes it into the figure of a man, with the beauty of a man, to dwell in a house. …
Well, as you have guessed…after a process of healing from bitterness….I can truly look back and say I had an idol in my life. No, not a piece of metal that I worshiped every morning…but I might as well have.
EVERY moment I thought and planned about having children. I calculated dates of ovulation, waited for missed periods, planned new things I would try next time I did get pregnant so I wouldn’t miscarry, and I could go on and on about what my mind was thinking every moment. Not to mention that you are surrounded with new moms everywhere.
Just like in the verse above, I became faint, my strength failed, jealousy overwhelmed me, and negative thoughts were always surrounding me. I was that person that you did not want to be around…and to be honest, I didn’t want to be around you either. It was too hard for me to be happy for new moms. (I know…I was in some deep bitterness)
I always kept praying for my pregnancy to not end early, however, I can say that peace wasn’t there because I wouldn’t put my “Baby Idol” aside. I kept trying to put this problem into my own hands….hoping Dr.’s would fix my problem. Forgetting that my GOD is the ultimate healer.
See now I have taken care of those bitter feelings and have healed my heart. I can now say that I live in peace that whatever happens with our children…..I will have joy and peace. I know that God has plans for our children that I could never imagine. I have let go of the plans I had and am excited to live day by day and not control the outcome of how many will be in our family. We just embrace what we do have…..always choosing thankfulness!