fan the flame and make me grow

When we had to put our adoption on hold it was difficult. I had built up so much excitement because things were moving along. However, through the wait I began realizing that it was for the best! I am a girl who loves check lists! I get things done! So, putting my paperwork checklist on hold was HARD and emotional. You see I have had A LOT of loss. Some things I think I have grieved and then it pops back up. So, putting the dream of my children coming home on hold was like a loss or disappointment but the best thing.

(seriously…I’m not just saying that)

During that time I gave all my attention to my husband, daughter and granddaughter. When your waiting for something you need to be careful you don’t forget the blessings in front of you! I also saw things that I needed to do like seeking God to know Him deeper. Like a friendship that needs more quality time. I also made time for Bible Studies, dug into scripture, read adoption books that are very thought-provoking and made sure I was making time for my marriage!

When it came time to start back up on the paperwork you would have thought I would have been jumping for this opportunity ! I knew the steps I needed to take but I just couldn’t do it. You can read more about the feelings to wait and the time to get back into the process HERE.

In some of the books that I was reading about children who have experienced loss I started to notice that I had some of those same fears. When I would get pregnant I would have hope for that sweet baby but also fear the worst because I had so many miscarriages. I have also noticed that with our grand baby I was fearing the worst. The books were saying that you can deal with your loss and grieve but there are still sometimes triggers. I can totally agree with this. I am in a very healthy place in my life when I talk about my miscarriages however, out of the blue something will remind me of one of the babies and I am just heartbroken. This also happens when I think about our children who are hurting daily because their family is broken.

So, fear is not of God so I have been saying these verses when I feel fearful!

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love,  and self-discipline.” ~2Timothy 1:7 NLT

“Do not give way to fear.” ~1Peter 3:6

Satan will use what works on you and I want to be joyful, confident, peaceful, and have wisdom with my family. So, it’s a choice every time I have a negative thought. Will I dwell in it or rebuke it. I am VERY excited about what God is doing in our lives. I can say that I love that he has given me time to prepare for our children who will be hurting when they come home. I have a deeper understanding of what is needed to help a child who has lost everything. I know I don’t have all the answers however, I believe that God will provide wisdom and will surround me with resources.

I also am not fearful because I know that if we share these things with our children, they will have hope for the future:

  • the healing power of Jesus Christ
  • the Father who can love them perfectly and will NEVER leave them
  • the knowledge and wisdom in scripture

I have an urgency about our life right now …..not sure what it means but I believe it will be a BIG change for our family. When I heard this song, it describes the fire I feel in my soul for our future! I am excited about the next step Christ has for us!

Please join our family in prayer as our adoption moves forward but also that we stay focused on Christ. We don’t want the adoption to consume us. We want to be open to the path Christ has for us. Pray against distractions and fear.

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