fan the flame and make me grow

When we had to put our adoption on hold it was difficult. I had built up so much excitement because things were moving along. However, through the wait I began realizing that it was for the best! I am a girl who loves check lists! I get things done! So, putting my paperwork checklist on hold was HARD and emotional. You see I have had A LOT of loss. Some things I think I have grieved and then it pops back up. So, putting the dream of my children coming home on hold was like a loss or disappointment but the best thing.

(seriously…I’m not just saying that)

During that time I gave all my attention to my husband, daughter and granddaughter. When your waiting for something you need to be careful you don’t forget the blessings in front of you! I also saw things that I needed to do like seeking God to know Him deeper. Like a friendship that needs more quality time. I also made time for Bible Studies, dug into scripture, read adoption books that are very thought-provoking and made sure I was making time for my marriage!

When it came time to start back up on the paperwork you would have thought I would have been jumping for this opportunity ! I knew the steps I needed to take but I just couldn’t do it. You can read more about the feelings to wait and the time to get back into the process HERE.

In some of the books that I was reading about children who have experienced loss I started to notice that I had some of those same fears. When I would get pregnant I would have hope for that sweet baby but also fear the worst because I had so many miscarriages. I have also noticed that with our grand baby I was fearing the worst. The books were saying that you can deal with your loss and grieve but there are still sometimes triggers. I can totally agree with this. I am in a very healthy place in my life when I talk about my miscarriages however, out of the blue something will remind me of one of the babies and I am just heartbroken. This also happens when I think about our children who are hurting daily because their family is broken.

So, fear is not of God so I have been saying these verses when I feel fearful!

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love,  and self-discipline.” ~2Timothy 1:7 NLT

“Do not give way to fear.” ~1Peter 3:6

Satan will use what works on you and I want to be joyful, confident, peaceful, and have wisdom with my family. So, it’s a choice every time I have a negative thought. Will I dwell in it or rebuke it. I am VERY excited about what God is doing in our lives. I can say that I love that he has given me time to prepare for our children who will be hurting when they come home. I have a deeper understanding of what is needed to help a child who has lost everything. I know I don’t have all the answers however, I believe that God will provide wisdom and will surround me with resources.

I also am not fearful because I know that if we share these things with our children, they will have hope for the future:

  • the healing power of Jesus Christ
  • the Father who can love them perfectly and will NEVER leave them
  • the knowledge and wisdom in scripture

I have an urgency about our life right now …..not sure what it means but I believe it will be a BIG change for our family. When I heard this song, it describes the fire I feel in my soul for our future! I am excited about the next step Christ has for us!

Please join our family in prayer as our adoption moves forward but also that we stay focused on Christ. We don’t want the adoption to consume us. We want to be open to the path Christ has for us. Pray against distractions and fear.

Tearing Down the Wall

Well, just recently I have realized that I have a wall that needs to be torn down. Ouch….hate when that happens….it requires a lot of work and VERY uncomfortable situations. Just like everyone else, there are parts of me that have varying levels of strengths and weaknesses. In some situations I don’t care what people think of me. I can be confident  and bold. I can lead and try new things without any hesitation. However, sadly this is not so true throughout all areas in my life. This has really been bothering me lately. I want my life to be the same all around. So, I have been noticing that the PRIDE is what God is working on in me right now. I know…this is going to be a very uncomfortable ride. But in the end, I know it will be so worth it! Basically God is putting me in situations that will require the Pride wall to be torn down. If you are someone who cares what others think about you, you will understand that this is painful! Like I said before, I only have this problem in a few areas so, thankfully I can use those stronger areas to help with the weaker ones. For example, I am a teacher that doesn’t really mind if I am doing something different in my classroom. I know why am doing it and am confident that it works. So, I feel strong about being different. So, I am using that strength to help me in my weaker areas. I see that the reason I feel this way in teaching is because of my knowledge and confidence. When I think about my weaker areas I see that I want to blend in to the crowd so that my lack of knowledge on a subject won’t be exposed. For example, my religious beliefs. I have grown up in church my whole life. However, I really just listened to the teachings and expected everyone to feed me what I needed to know. I didn’t dig deep to understand why I believed these things. So, my knowledge and confidence in the Bible is limited. I find myself not wanting to stick out or be looked at as the “crazy” Christian who may not be able to explain what they believe because they don’t have the knowledge of the scriptures to reinforce their beliefs. I know you should look different if you are living in accordance with the Bible. I know this …I know this …I know this. But something inside of me still is holding me back from living boldly for Christ. Fear has definitely been holding me back. Since I have realized this, I have been reading more to make myself take those steps to becoming more confident in my beliefs.

I have also been reading a book called The Believer’s Authority by Kenneth E. Hagin. This has really help me dig deeper into the Bible and see the authority I have. This is some of the knowledge I need to be confident in sharing the Word with others. I have taped two scriptures on my mirror so that I am constantly praying scripture into my life.

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If I pray the scripture I know it is what God promises! This helps me be confident in my belief! The devil can’t put thoughts into my brain if I am praying scripture..it’s God’s word..not mine! I have heard about being a Christian my whole life but now I am seeing how to really put it into action…Only took me 32 years to figure that out…I hope you get it much faster!! I am so excited to get our children here and show them how to live a life  full of confidence in what their God has done for them and what He promises them!

On an entirely different note:

This week I ran into April, a friend from High School. We were talking about this blog and she had a suggestion that was great! It’s kinda of one of those duh…moments. Thank you April for reminding me that other people are wanting to join us in prayer for our family! I appreciate your great advice! She suggested having specific prayer requests on our blog. That way people can be specific when praying for us. I love it….sorry I didn’t think of this earlier! Ok, so here it goes….How you can pray for us this week!!

1. We are praying that God provides the expenses that come with adoption. He has provided already in very creative ways and we know that He will continue to do this!

2. We will be traveling this week to receive training for our adoption. Pray for safe travel and for us to get the most out of the class.

3. We are waiting for an appointment to get our psychological testing done. This has to be done before we are approved through our agency. Pray for a quick appointment and quick report sent to our agency!

-God has already connected us with a people who have helped us with the psychological evaluation. So, we have already seen blessings in this situation! Praise the Lord!