Leaving

by Rhees

When you spend most of your day around little kids, you get so comfortable interacting with them that you sometimes forget that they are, in fact, little kids. So, when Rebekah and I pray in the morning we frequently pray to look on the children in our classes with the compassion of Christ. We want to see these kids as God sees them.

Be careful what you pray for.

The other day, one of my kids had to move schools. He is a foster kid. That’s nothing new. It’s something that I’m used to. It’s always a sad thing to see a kid go. But like I said, you get used to that and life goes one with hardly a bump in the road. Friday was different.

As this kid stood in my room with tears streaming down his face, I saw his heart. It was broken. It was tired. Even though he will be closer to siblings in his new home, he was losing everything…again. Losing his school, a family that loved him, a group of teachers that cared about him, all his friends, not to mention some of the extracurricular activities at school that he loved. He had found a place that fit him. He didn’t want to leave, but he had no say in the matter. I was undone. I knew that whatever I said would not help much. I told him that God loved him, that He had good things for him and that he had to believe that. I told him that I knew that life was rough for him, but to not give up. I don’t know if he believed any of it and I doubt that any of it helped in the moment, but it was all I had. As he left school that day you could see the scar tissue on his heart thickening. He was constructing an emotional wall. Shut off from the well wishing and words of encouragement, he was keeping it together, not saying a word as he added another brick to his wall with every step he took. You could almost see it being built around him, around his heart. It is a tragic, emotional fortress he will use to protect himself at the next stop.

And then I thought of our kids somewhere down in Colombia. They are probably experiencing some of the same emotions. Despite the great care they are receiving, I know they are hurting right now. I know that their hearts are broken. I want so badly to find them and pick them up and bring them home. I want to tell them all the things I couldn’t tell this kid today. I want to tell them that they are home for good. I want to tell them that they can relax and that they don’t have to worry about losing everything anymore. I want to tell them I love them and that I won’t leave them. I want to hold them and I want them to know that they are safe. I want to show them the love of Christ.

I looked at the heart of a kid the other day through Christ’s eyes. I saw the hurt. I felt the hurt. I felt helpless to help a kid I cared for. I saw that those days that are hardly a bump in the road for us are sometimes a violent crash for them. I want to stop that hurt for our kids. I pray that they will see Rebekah and me as their family, their safety net, their home. I pray that it can happen soon. I pray that we will be able to tear down the wall around their heart and that the scar tissue that has been built up from all the wounds of life can be worn away by a lifetime spent with a family who loves them.

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Reminders

We have all been to the Dr. and the paperwork is done!! For now….at least. We are waiting on a date for our homestudy. I have heard that it’s a hurry up and wait kind of process. So, we are just enjoying the time that we have together before our home gets crazy busy.

But looking back at the Dr. visits and Christian radio playing in the car, I’m just reminded that God is God….and he is guiding us right where we need to go.

When I went to the Dr. I just expected to be in and out. You see I really don’t have any major health concerns so, I just needed the form filled out. Well, of course if you pay attention to the little things in life, God shows up EVERYWHERE! When I made the appt. weeks in advance there were no appointments with my doctor. So, I got to pick the most convientent time for me. Knowing this I was a little surprised when I arrived and was told that I had to see a different doctor. It wasn’t a big deal to me because I just needed this form filled out and I knew I didn’t have any health concerns. Anyway, this was a God moment that I hadn’t even planned on. When I was speaking with this new doctor she was definitly a believer! She was asking about my pregnancy history and I explained that we have not been very successful in that area. We have no medical reasons why we can’t keep a baby. I explained that I have been through 10 miscarriages. She responded with, ” well that is definitly a closed door!” You see that just was just another reminder to me from a stranger that God put in my life for 20min, that adoption is where God wants us right now! She spoke to me from her heart and I was blessed! Don’t discount those little experiences that happen to you. God gives you those moments to be encouraged! And believe me….I was encouraged. It’s depressing to think of the loss that I have experienced, but encouraging to think about God’s will for me. The reminders God gives us that tell us good job, your on the right track, or just I love you are priceless!

Then when I was in the car, I was listening to some Christian music. Something I love!!! This song came on and was just another reminder that we make the choice to live for God and sometimes there are sacrifices….and always something better than we expected!

This is the song that really spoke to me….maybe it will speak to you too! It might even bring a tear to you!

Natalie Grant-Held

Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence would
Take a child from his motherwhile she prays
Is apalling.

Who told us we’d be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved
From nightmares?
We’re asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It’s unfair.

Chorus:
This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it,let the hatred know
Our sorrow.
The wise hands opens slowly
To lillies of the valley and tomorrow.

I know I have had times in my life that I thought were unfair, prayed for things that didn’t go the way I wanted them, asked why this is happening to me, had bitterness, and also had wise people open their hand to help me. So, you can see why I was a little touched by this song and reminded yet again, that I want to strive to live on God’s path not my own selfish path.

So, really the purpose of this post was just to say that God has little reminders everywhere. Pay attention and be encouraged!!! No matter what you are going through….He will hold you and it will be ok!!!!