Ending Bitterness

Due to the fact that I have been stopped multiple times to discuss my last post, I think there should have been a part 2. So, here you go. Again….please remember that this is just what I have learned,  I’m not an expert, this was VERY hard for me, and I still fall backwards every once in a while.

I am very serious when I said before that bitterness overwhelmed my life. So, how did I get rid of this? That is the question that many people have asked me and told me that they have the same feelings but with different topics. So, let me share what I did to grow and become a healthier-happier person.

1. Realize that being bitter and jealous is an unhealthy feeling. I really told myself that the jealous feelings I was having were ok. I had experienced 10 miscarriages. This to me seemed like a perfect reason to be bitter! I didn’t understand why everyone around me was being blessed with babies and I had to say goodbye to mine. The truth is,  I should have been grieving through this journey, but being overwhelmed with ugly feelings towards other people’s blessings was NOT ok! So, first step was seeing that I had a problem….I know….sounds silly but I am being truly honest!

2. Stop making excuses for being bitter. I figured that since I was asking for a creation of God…a blessing to our family…an opportunity to share Christ….I had every right to feel these negative feelings because what I was asking for was important! I kept telling myself, “it’s not like I’m asking for a new car!” Well, I’m sure you are seeing the problem already…..yes, this was an idol in my life! I had an excuse for every negative feeling!

3. Learn what bitterness does to your life. So, at this point in my life I am reading scripture, meeting with people who encourage and challenge me, praying A LOT, and really just seeking to figure things out. Well, my precious friend from church that leads a group called HOPEFUL hearts gave me a year devotional. It was called HOPE. It wasn’t the whole book that changed my life, it was ONE devotional! It said that if you get what you have been waiting for and don’t deal with your bitterness it will still be there. WHAT!!!!!!! This totally blew my mind! If I get a sweet baby….I won’t be bitter…are you kidding me! Ok, well that was my first thought…..my second thought was tears! I didn’t want to meet my children and be that ugly mom who is jealous of everyone! I want to embrace my children and feel absolutely joyful about the blessings in my friend’s lives!

4. Look for the tiniest blessings that surrounded you. I had to start small. (my car started, date night, my teen was respectful, food!!) Then when I started to do this, I realized that they were everywhere! There is always something that you have that someone else wants. Hold onto what you have and have pure joy and hope for the future!

jealous

5. Get rid of bitterness. This was the hard part. It is super easy to recognize that you have problems, but fixing your problems are much more difficult. So, I knew that my major problem was being jealous of a healthy pregnant women, going to a baby shower and feeling sadness overwhelm me because it brought back thoughts of our loss, hearing pregnant women complain about being pregnant, or just spending time obsessing about why this kept happening to me. I finally had a place to start because I could identify the  situations that increased my jealousy/bitterness. You might think this is totally crazy but let me remind you that this is just my experience….I’m not an expert! But it did work 🙂

CRAZY STEP #1: I surrounded myself with children. I teach school but I went a step further and I even started working in the church nursery.  I know…..I also thought this was insane because why would you surround yourself with the one thing that was causing all of these negative feelings. WELL, first of all ……fact #1-children make you smile! Secondly, I decided that I should surround myself with what I wanted most! And lastly, when you are in this overwhelming state of negativity….you should do things for others not yourself. It really does help build you back up! And running from my problems was just making it worse!

CRAZY STEP #2: I started faking it till I made it. I decided that I needed to bless moms. I would find a cute outfit that a friend would love and I would buy it for them. Please understand that this was not genuine for a long time. I really hate admitting this, but I feel like if someone is dealing with this, they need to know that this is an ugly process. So, after giving these gifts and checking on these moms, I started to realize that I was actually excited to do these things! I can say that today I don’t have those negative feelings when I go through the baby aisle. But let me be real….yes…I do fall backwards sometimes. However, it is not the bitterness anymore….it is usually just sadness from a memory. Which is totally part of the grieving process. It is ok to have ups and downs as long as eventually you have more ups than downs!

Let me tell you that these things above were done also with the help of  lots of prayer, friends/family who would pick me up when I fell, a husband who would take me out some nights just to forget for a while, and a church that truly loved me through this.

I really am very embarrassed to tell you this was part of my life, but I have been growing so much and just want other people to be able to feel free and enjoy everything that God is blessing them with! So, thank you friends for coming to ask me how did you get rid of your bitterness. I hope this helps you!

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Wanted

Music always touches my soul! When I heard the song Wanted by Dana Maclean……yes….there were tears!!

I won’t talk much, so you can listen but:

The children that are waiting to be adopted are being watched by our Savior. They may feel lonely, heartbroken, confused, sick, or just like an outcast. I pray everyday that those children are hearing God calling to them that they are

WANTED!!!!

 

 

Filled with Light

Our journey is always changing. We have a long-term goal of finding our children even if they are across the world but our way there is never crystal clear. We are living by faith that God is behind us every step of the way and we will one day look back and be amazed!!!

I don’t have any exciting adoption news right now, and honestly we are far from having that. However, we are constantly learning about what God is saying through his Word! That always brings peace and hope. So, here is what I have been learning about lately.

Impressing people vs. Pleasing God

This happens very quickly when I start focusing on worldly desires….fashion, house decor, money, pinterest, etc…….   See, when I started thinking about why I like some of these things, I have to admit that it was to impress people. I’m not saying that is always a bad thing but it shouldn’t be your only motivation for doing things and shouldn’t consume you.

My pastor once said, ” our eyes naturally focus on the treasures from our heart.” God gives us desires in our heart. We should follow those and the glory should always go back to HIM. It is so easy for me to get back to the point where the focus is off of Him and I’m being selfish. I am wanting things because I want people to be impressed with Me.

Mathew 6: 22-23 is a good reminder!

“Your eye is a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is good, your whole body is filled with light. But when your eye is bad, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is!

Distraction usually = Darkness

I know that we all get distracted and have weakness. But that is where I have been learning to use my weakness to find God’s grace. Even when I’m in a low spot…I can use that to recognize that God is getting me though it even though I don’t deserve his unending love. If I start comparing myself to others or judging my self…I’m actually judging the creator.

See I have been really working on recognizing Satan in my life. This has been a huge breakthrough for me. Now that I am able to recognize him I can immediately get rid of him by praying to God. In years past I didn’t know it was Satan and I tore down my self-esteem believing the lies Satan was telling me. So, I have tried to be more aware and recognize that God gives us positive words and Satan wants to tear us down. If I think of it in simple terms it makes it easier for me to recognize in my life. Getting rid of these thoughts has made a huge difference for me. It loops back to impressing people. Satan wants me to get distracted on impressing people and not pleasing God. So, this is really a battle. But when you know Satan’s strategies it makes the battle a lot shorter!

Ways you can pray for our family:

1. Pray that Satan has no hold on the paperwork. If we are told to wait then it is because God is having us wait not Satan getting in the way.

2. Adoption fees will be covered.

3. We focus on getting prepared for our children instead of focusing on the emotions of not having them here yet.